What skills did I use today?

I tried to offer my neighbor some soup but he turned me down. So much for doing something nice for another person as a skill.

Sick, vomiting, didn't make it to work. Took care of Sabrina and slept a lot today. Read my DBT book and tried to find ways to not make it worse. Worked with my breath.

Did a couple of things so I wouldn't feel like the day was a total waste.

What skills did I use on Sunday?

I did some around-the-house stuff in the morning, took a long nap, then went out in the afternoon. In my PJs. To the library. Ugh.

I cut a chunk of flesh out of Sabrina when I was trying to cut some mats out and she ended up having emergency surgery at Dove Lewis. This was traumatic and expensive.

I did make soup from scratch, so I feel good about that.

Saturday: Is Lying in Bed a Skill?

Tdoc wants me to work on skills that are not so action-oriented so that when I am unable to be action-oriented I can still be skillful.

I lied in bed with Ludmilla purring in my ear and listened to NPR. I drifted off and napped a while. I tried to be in the moment with Ludmilla. I observed and described what it was like to lie in bed; nice and warm under the bed with the windows open and a cool breeze.

I think that taking a shower has to be on the list of things I do every day, since it is almost 8PM and I am still in my PJs and I feel gross.

Friday: Skill or No Skill?

I went to work even though I am very depressed about the tdoc situation and talked to the director of the clinic right before my shift started. It was suggested that the clinic isn't right for me. I'm not exactly being shown the door, but I am certainly being reminded that the door exists.

It was a full day and I was clearly not charming. I talked to one of the people who is PIC sometimes, even though he won't be PIC on Monday, because I needed to find an authority figure to talk about my problems with my Monday coworker. It turns out all month I have Mondays working with the same person, a person I have a hard time with because I have to make sure they are doing their job. And doesn't take feedback from me well. So we decided to take a watch-and-wait approach and see how things go this coming Monday.

My skill most in evidence was Effectiveness, since I held my tongue about certain things I felt it was not wise to talk about. Also, I've been packing really healthy lunches on days that I work and feel that is helping a lot.

Thursday was upsetting

I slept late and didn't do much before I left for DBT at noon.

There were some skills involved in getting in the shower and getting in the car to drive out there. The group itself was OK, but the tdoc session afterward was distressing. She (and, by extension, everyone involved in my care) wants me to identify the distress tolerance skills that work for me and practice them. So if I call and need assistance, the response I'm going to get goes something along the lines of "What skills do you need to use right now?" I feel like if I knew that, I wouldn't be calling.

I also feel like the distress tolerance skills don't pack enough punch for me when I am in crisis. I can't find something on my list that satisfies me.

Last week I called the crisis line available through tdoc's agency and was asked "What would tdoc say to you right now?". I didn't find this helpful; I don't know what she would say. Or that she would even say anything helpful. So the crisis worker told me she would put a note in my file that this intervention is not helpful and she would let my tdoc know. This is not a successful crisis call!

So tdoc wanted me to express what I want from therapy and asked me point blank why I am there if, as she said, I think my tdoc sucks. Which I never said.

I left tdoc upset and crying and had an episode of disassociating in the car while driving extremely fast. My body was going numb and I felt terror. When I got home I laid on the bed, slept for a while, got up at 9 and ate something, then went back to lay down. I slept a long time.

I feel like it is up to me to figure out how to use my skills and no one is going to say anything to me other than "use a skill that works for you". Ugh. 

What skills did I use on Wednesday?

1. Wise mind
   
2. Observe
3. Participate
   
4. Non-judgmental stance
   
5. One-mindfully
6. Attend to relationships
7. Problem solving
   
8. Accumulate positives
   
9. Build mastery
10. Mindfulness of current emotion
11. Mindful of current thoughts

It was a lot of errands and tasks in the morning. I has up waaaay too early and had to sleep for quite a while during the day, but I was up & out for my meetup in the evening and had a good time even though I lost.

What skills did I use on Tuesday?

1. Wise mind
   
2. Observe
   
3. One-mindfully
   
4. Attend to relationships
   
5. Opposite-to-emotion action
   
6. Problem solving
   
7. Accumulate positives
   
8. Build mastery
   
9. Mindfulness of current emotion
   
10. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment
    
11. Willingness
    
12. Mindful of current thoughts
    

A day at home but I was productive and didn't fart the day away. I even laid on the couch for a while and just "was in the moment" with Ludmilla on my tummy, then we fell asleep and took a short nap. A good day.

What skills did I use on Monday?

I went to work and pulled a full shift. So there was some opposite to emotion action going there.

Unfortunately, my coworker was a sub who moves sooooo slow and I had to explain basic aspects of the job to him. He didn't do anything proactively and I had to make sure he accomplished his assigned tasks according to the schedule. While this was going on I felt angry that I have to be the better person--- he has been in the system just as long as me, if not longer-- but I also recognized that this was a time that I needed a skill. I never identified a specific skill, but I did refrain from yelling at him or expressing my anger in an unhealthy way. I guess I used the skill of being effective. It is not fair that this dynamic exists, but it does, so I will babysit him and make sure the work gets done right. Grrrr.

The "Observe" Skill in Action

I notice a feeling of warmth in my tummy.

I notice an itchy spot on my face.

I notice pain in my lower back.

I notice Moby singing.

I notice the solidness of the couch below me.

I notice the scratchiness of my wool blanket.

I notice that my socks are keeping my feet warm.

I notice I need to pee.

I notice my living room is tidy.

I notice the kickballers have packed up and gone home.

I notice the cats are both sleeping.

Distress Tolerance Handouts

Distress Tolerance Intro

Crisis Survival #1

Crisis Survival #2

Crisis Survival #3

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #1

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #2

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #3

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #4

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #5

Don't Make it Worse, Part One #6

Don't Make it Worse, Part Two #1

Don't Make it Worse, Part Two #2

Don't Make it Worse, Part Two #3

Don't Make it Worse, Part Two #4

Don't Make it Worse, Part Two #5

Signs of Stress

A Little Bit of Snow

Comfort Box

TIP your body chemistry

IMPROVE #1

IMPROVE #2, Pros and Cons

Pros and Cons Worksheet

Accepting Reality

Willingness

Radical Acceptance #1

Radical Acceptance #2

Radical Acceptance #3

Follow Your Breath #1

Follow Your Breath #2

Half Smile #1

Half Smile #2

Awareness #1

Awareness #2

Eating One Raisin Mindfully

What skills did I use on Wednesday?

I did a lot of errands/housework and felt good about filling up my day despite having no computer access at home.

In the evening I streamed a couple of podcasts and emailed a friend, which was good in terms of relationship stuff.

What skills did I use on Tuesday?

Mostly laid on the couch with Ludmilla. Back pain, weird stress in my shoulders.

Finally took a bath at 4:30 and now I am at the library watching Daily/Colbert since I can't watch at home.

Acceptance has been key to today. It is raining and I can't paint outside. I don't have a computer at home and can't watch TV. I'm off and have no designated tasks and need to accept the moments as they come.

What skills did I use on Monday?

I worked a full 8 hour shift and was a very good employee. Yes, I used a judgement word. There it is. Helpful, polite, I was asked to schedule hours for the upcoming month.

After work I took my sick Mac in and it is being repaired. I don't have access to a computer at home and Monday night was rough because I had a Facebook conflict that I had a lot of time to ruminate about.

The good thing is that I talked to a friend about it and it turned things around for me. I suppose that ended up being skillful in a way that I hadn't anticipated.

What skills did I use on Sunday?

Coped well with my family visit, but in the afternoon after they left I was sucked into feeling bad because I'd have to go to work the next day. I couldn't be in the moment and was doing a lot of future tripping.

What skills did I use today?

Wanted to tell a coworker and/or her supervisor that her insulting comments and mean spirit are the reason I will never be back. I was mad, but kept it to myself and got through the early 3 hour shift.

Came home tired and wanted to make sure the quilt was right- found a couple of problems and fixed them, added another border strip on the sides so it isn't too small. Located all the materials needed for Sunday pinning.

Threw 2 bookcases in the dumpster all by myself.

My hearing aids aren't working.

Trying to be in the moment, but everything this afternoon has revolved around being ready to have the kids over on Sunday.

And having bad scene fantasies about bee stings and going into shock while I am on my lunch break, then they don't know why I never came back from lunch.

What skills did I use on Friday?

Went to work; short day and off mid-afternoon.

Came home and worked on the quilt, which has been totally stressing me out because my time estimates on how long things take are always too low. Done.

Talked to niece and rescheduled pinning for Sunday. Better.

What skills did I use on Thursday?

I had medical/visual problems when I woke up and had to cancel on DBT.

But later in the day I was able to turn things around and got a lot of things done around the house, some in anticipation of company this weekend, some just weekly chores, some part of my redecorating plan.

I feel good about being productive.

Fell asleep on the couch with the hearing aids in, which can't be good.

What skills did I use on Wednesday?

Slept for less than 3 hours, went to work, came home and the rest of the day revolved around the trauma of being far too tired.

What a waste.

I did move some things around, but I need to focus on getting the quilt top done before I get distracted with home DIY. Saturday's pinning looms...

What skills did I use on Tuesday?

I was a rock star at work, making sure everything was done right at the new branch while the regular staff had their meeting. Made sure the supervisor knew it, too.

Seriously effective handling of a coworker with a bad attitude and a lack of information. I coached and kept it positive.

Everyone loved me for doing such an awesome job, and this was at the branch where I got the email from the supervisor in advance telling me in great detail how to do my job. I showed him!

What skills did I use on Monday?

Woke up with pseudo-migraine symptoms but no headache. Worthless, couldn't do anything in the morning. But I felt better in the afternoon and decided I didn't want the day to be a total loss. Worked on my quilt and took this pic of a flower I planted in our yard. I thought when I planted the starts last year they had died, but I left them there and look what happened!

What skills did I use on Sunday?

I had my meetup and had to be the gracious hostess-- which I was, I got compliments. I need to work on getting people not to be nasty and political as the meetups, as not everyone shares their views and it is divisive to have such negative comments.

I came home afterwards and felt ill. I was stressed. It was a warm day and I wanted to take a nap on the couch but there were loud sports folk outside with boomboxes. I let them have their fun and did finally have a short nap.

Bloody nose, vomiting, chills in the evening. Not feeling well but determined to go to work on Monday.

What skills did I use on Saturday?

Tough day. At work with folks who have no compassion for how hard it is to be a sub and get stuck with the grunt work all the time. Management is no help and doesn't schedule tasks to ease the burden. I spoke up and made my needs met, but felt an air of resentment that I did that.

I feel like I don't want to go back and work there. Not for full-day shifts. It is too much of a burden.

When I got off work I was aware that it was taking a long time for the tension to resolve in my body. I felt keyed up and tired at the same time. Run down and cranky and old.

What skills did I use on Friday?

Went to work and had to deal with a coworker who has been rude to me in the past. It is up to me to be the better person, and I think I did well with that.

Short shift and I came home and relaxed a bit in the afternoon. I had vision problems at work and they flared up again in the evening. A stressful day. I think the vision problem is stress related and working so many hours, especially with a hostile coworker, is tough.

What skills did I use on Thursday?

1. Wise mind
2. Observe
3. Describe
4. Participate
5. Effectiveness
6. Describing emotions
7. Build mastery
8. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)
9. Mindfulness of current emotion
10. Willingness
11. Mindful of current thoughts

Most of this has to do with going to DBT, being in the group, communicating with my tdoc. I felt judged by her and I posted about it on the forum I frequent in order to get their take on it. They think I should not tone down my personality for others; rather, it is the task of others to use distress tolerance if they don't like me.

Road Trip Pics: A Sunny Day

Little fluffy clouds.

The false fronts I drive by all the time.

Tea Party protester smiling and waving before I started yelling at her for being an idiot.

What skills did I use on Wednesday

1. Wise mind
2. Observe
3. Participate
4. Non-judgmental stance
5. One-mindfully
6. Effectiveness
7. Attend to relationships
8. Accumulate positives
9. Build mastery
10. Mindfulness of current emotion
11. Mindful of current thoughts

I had the day off and I sewed a little, lied on the couch a bit with the kitties, farted around. I did my laundry.

Called a supervisor to follow up on my disability email and received a response (cc'd to HR and my boss) telling me in detail how to do my job and including instructions on etiquette. Very upsetting. I responded to HR/boss letting them know this is not feedback, I haven't worked with this person in over a year, but anticipation and expecting the worst.

Had to turn off Fresh Air because it was triggering me. Mindful of my thoughts/emotions regarding that.

What skills did I use today?

I had an interaction that could be taken as a slight-- it was employee appreciation day and the question was whether we should have food today or on Wednesday. Given the fact that I was working today, but not tomorrow, I voiced my enthusiasm for today. The response from the supervisor was "I wanted to hear from the regular staff".

I sub at this location all the time and felt like it was regular staff who were supposed to be appreciated-- not subs. She was really putting me in my place. You aren't really a member of this family is the message I got. These are not really your coworkers.

I tried not to ruminate and did my best to just focus on being an effective employee.

I also passed on a compliment that a patron told me about another staff member.

Sure there are some skills in there somewhere. Late in the day I was really feeling the stress monster.

What skills did I use on Monday?

I got called to go into work at a different location and was very flexible and saved the day, without much thanks.

I don't remember which skills I used.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind
2. Effectiveness
3. Attend to relationships
4. Opposite-to-emotion action
5. Problem solving
6. Mindfulness of current emotion
7. Pros and Cons
8. Radical acceptance
9. Willingness
10. Mindful of current thoughts

A lot of this has to do with dragging when I woke up but managing to pull it together and be on time for work and somewhat alert. I had to do a lot of grunt work, and I did it without complaint.

When I got home I attended to my online relationships.

I spoke with my sister and that was OK, nothing spectacular. I told her a little about DBT not going well on Thursday but she had nothing to say about it.

I am not being skillful today

I called in sick to work because the insomnia/sleep problems are driving me to a place where it isn't safe for me to be out and about. I can't drive; how can I possibly get through an 8 hour day?

I took .5mg of Klonopin, slept til 3, and feel guilty about not making it to work.

I feel very bad about myself right now.

What skills did I use on Friday?

1. Wise mind
2. Non-judgmental stance
3. Effectiveness
4. Opposite-to-emotion action
5. Problem solving
6. Mindfulness of current emotion
7. Radical acceptance
8. Willingness
9. Mindful of current thoughts

Most of this has to do with going to work and being dreadfully tired but giving my all anyway. I disagree with some of the things management is doing, expressed my concern and the reason for it, then didn't press the issue. My views have been heard and her answer to the problem is that we're going to have to work harder. The problem was going to be evident to the staff when they came in on Saturday and thankfully I was not there today to have to deal with the fallout.

Thursday was not a skillful day

I was not very nice at DBT and we spent the therapy session doing a chain analysis of my therapy-interfering behavior.

Road Trip Pics: Things I Saw on Hwy 30

What skills did I use on Wednesday?

1. Wise mind- Later in the day.
2. Observe- I noticed a feeling of judgement about my lack of motivation.
3. Participate- Played cards
4. Effectiveness- One of my card members was being passive aggressive and I said "Are you asking us to move upstairs?" Also, I got in the shower at 4PM. Late, but effective.
5. Attend to relationships- Called my boss to discuss a negative outcome in an interaction at work the other day.
6. Accumulate positives- Sewing, cards
7. Build mastery- Played canasta.

What skills did I use to Tuesday?

1. Wise mind- The debate rages on as to if Tuesday was wise-minded or not. I was late for work (45 minutes!) and didn't stay to make up the time. I left instead to go see my parents at the mausoleum.
2. Participate- I cried in the parking lot at the mausoleum. This was a real "participate" moment.
3. Figure out interpersonal goals- I told the supervisor that I understood I had a commitment to my job and that the worst thing that could happen would be for her to think poorly of me. She let me go to take care of my parents' grave.
4. Attend to relationships- See above.
5. Accumulate positives- Well. I did work for a little while. I took care of my duty to take my parents flowers.
6. Build mastery- Not so much. A wee bit.
7. Mindfulness of current emotion- I was so aware of my emotions. I cried all day: at work, at the mausoleum, in the car, at home.
8. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- I went to the library to pick up a CD that I thought would be soothing.
9. Willingness- I did not use this skill today. I did my work begrudgingly and resent the fact that my coworkers seem intent on micromanaging my time as opposed to letting me use my best judgement. I am inclined not to return to this location.
10. Mindful of current thoughts- I was a ware of my resentment and how it manifested in negative thoughts about my coworkers.

The "observe" skill

Some of them seem effortless. Or it seems that using them doesn't feel like a strain.

But the "observe" skill is one that I seem to pull out when I think "I need a skill". In that moment I am consciously deciding to use a skill. I often find myself lying down and thinking "I notice a feeling a tension in my jaw". "I notice a pain on the left side of my head."

I wonder if I am in a rut when it comes to the dynamics of my skills usage.

Sometimes when I think about my tdoc I notice a feeling of judgement.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I really get credit for this today because I was involved in an interaction at work where I felt that a coworker totally dropped the ball. I didn't discuss the situation with this person because I didn't see a way to get around the not-so-veiled criticism of "you didn't do your job right". I also didn't talk to anyone else about this today. The only appropriate person to have this conversation with is the supervisor and I can wait for the morning to make a call. Also-- I had a new episode of Breaking Bad to watch but I waited until I did all of my obligations before I watched it. I went to work, came home, made dinner, then sat down to enjoy my "reward" for doing a good job today.
2. Participate- I participated at work.
3. Effectiveness- I was effective with the situation at work, even though I was hot to deal with it in the moment.
4. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)- I had Vietnamese for lunch and the healthy food made a difference in how I felt this afternoon. Kudos to me!
5. Willingness- To do some grunt work on the job today.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Swinging from emotion mind to rational mind but not in the sweet spot on the Venn diagram.
2. Build mastery- Finished the quilt wall.
3. Mindfulness of current emotion- Sad. Lonely.
4. Mindful of current thoughts- Negative thoughts about myself.

What skills did I use on Saturday?

1. Wise mind- Half credit. Spent a lot of time in emotion mind.
2. Observe- Noticed my depression. Noticed my anxiety when I was on the freeway and we suddenly went from 60 to 0 very suddenly.
3. Participate- In the car with the ill communication.
4. Accumulate positives- Sewed, bought fabric, went to the craft store but they didn't have what I needed, rearranged the living room furniture.
5. Build mastery- Sewing. Not getting into an accident on 205.
6. Mindfulness of current emotion- Anxiety. Depression. Lonely. Sad when I saw the terrible wreck on 205.
7. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- Got in the car and ran errands. Bath.
8. Willingness- To leave the house.
9. Mindful of current thoughts- Negative thoughts about being home alone on Saturday.

What skills did I use on Friday?

1. Wise mind
2. Observe- My physical challenges. "I notice a feeling of anxiety".
3. Participate- Sewing.
4. One-mindfully- ate a banana
5. Accumulate positives- This is not a skill I used. I keep harboring an issue so that I'll have something to stew about-- I haven't taken a shower and it is the middle of the afternoon. I haven't posted to my blog. It seems I need to keep a negative front and center and one way I've been doing that is not eating until I feel ill.
6. Build mastery- Sewing.
7. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- bath

What skills did I use on Thursday?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. One-mindfully
4. Effectiveness
5. Opposite-to-emotion action
6. Accumulate positives
7. Build mastery
8. Mindfulness of current emotion
9. Pros and Cons
10. Willingness
11. Mindful of current thoughts

Most of this has to do with driving all the way to the country for just an hour tdoc appointment. It seems like a big imposition. I did it anyway.

I sewed.

No Road Trip Pics This Week

I forgot my camera.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- At times.
2. Participate- When I was sewing.
3. Non-judgmental stance- Struggled with this because I felt I wasn't very productive today.
4. One-mindfully-Sewing. Ate dinner at the table with no reading material.
5. Attend to relationships- I have been emailing a friend on a regular basis and it feels good to connect on a deeper level about serious issues.
6. Accumulate positives- Reading, sewing. Nap.
7. Build mastery- Sewing.
8. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)- Nap.
9. TIP (temperature [ice/heat], intense exercise, progressive relaxation- Laid on the couch with the heating pad. Stretched.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Yes, manifested in actions below
2. Observe- "I notice a feeling of disgust" re: cat vomit
3. One-mindfully- When washing my dishes and folding my laundry.
4. Effectiveness- I cleaned up the cat vomit.
5. Figure out interpersonal goals- Working on developing a closer relationship with someone I know.
6. Attend to relationships- Posted in the forum, sent a message to person in #5.
7. Opposite-to-emotion action- I took a shower and did some housework after a Klonopin nap. It would have been easy to write off the whole day as a loss, but I got it together and even went out for a while.
8. Problem solving- Posted on forum about strategies for making best use of my week off.
9. Accumulate positives- Made my bed. Washed the fluffy bathrobe. All the laundry is current. Dishes are all washed.
10. Mindfulness of current emotion- Noticing that I am feeling lonely and this is only day 1 of 7.
11. Pros and Cons- Cat vomit, again.
12. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- Took a nap because I had too little sleep last night and needed to recharge. I was starting to hallucinate.
13. Willingness- Cat vomit.

What skills did I use on Monday?

I participated in the workshop I went to for work.

I wore a dress, which I'm sure is a skill of some sort, maybe in the distract category?

Blew it by falling asleep early and missing my meds. Not a skill.

What skills did I use on Sunday?

I was effective by going to work.

I worked on interpersonal relationships by checking in with coworkers I hadn't worked with in a while. I made sure my coworkers needs were being met.

I built mastery by working on my quilt.

What skills did I use today?

I distracted by sewing and hanging out with my online friends.

What skills did I use on Friday?

I radically accepted that I was stuck doing grunt work for my whole shift.

What skills did I use today?

The skills that stick out from today are building mastery and problem solving.

I finished some half-completed sewing projects and dealt with some online forum issues in an effective manner. Something I haven't been so hot on as of late.

What skills did I use on Wednesday?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. One-mindfully
4. Accumulate positives
5. Build mastery
6. Mindfulness of current emotion

I didn't NEED a lot of skills today, since I stayed home. Read a book, played with cats, ate pie, moved furniture.

I wish I had done some sewing today since I had the day free and didn't feel unwell. I can't remember the last time i had a free day that wasn't caused by being too sick to go to out to things. It was the first day in a long while where I had no obligations, and with the clean house I had no chores hanging over my head. Nice.

What skills did I use on Tuesday?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. Non-judgmental stance
4. Effectiveness
5. Attend to relationships
6. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)
7. Mindfulness of current emotion
8. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment
9. Willingness

Worked a short day then came home and slept for 3 hours with Ludmilla on my chest.

Took asparagus salad to work.

Sent an email at work that addressed a problem but assumed best intentions.

What skills did I use on Monday?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. Non-judgmental stance
4. Effectiveness
5. Mindfulness of current emotion
6. Radical acceptance
7. Mindful of current thoughts

Worked a full day and tried to "anticipate the need of the patron" as per our new service principles. Approached patrons and engaged them. Tried to talk an elderly man into getting a library card and made a really good connection with him.

Half credit on the wise mind, since I was pretty cranky.

What skills did I use on Sunday?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. Effectiveness
4. Figure out interpersonal goals
5. DEAR (describe, express, assert, reinforce)
6. Attend to relationships
7. Describing emotions
8. Opposite-to-emotion action
9. Problem solving
10. Accumulate positives
11. Build mastery
12. Radical acceptance
13. Willingness

I went to work and was redirected to the new branch for my shift. I had to use skills to explain that my time started when I reported for work at the original location, not at the end location. (I should not be financially penalized because I had to do something I wasn't planning on doing. Heck, I could put in for mileage if I were so inclined!)

I had planned on not working at the new location because there is a person there with a heavy accent and I can't understand her. At all. And she was working Sunday. I had to explain my hearing disability and send the email to the PIC for the day, as well as the supervisor who was off for the day.

I learned the new equipment, showed patrons how to use it, gave tours, answered questions, and used a bunch of different skills.

I don't feel very skillful right now.

I may have used skills today, but it is the times that I was not skillful that are standing out.

Ugh.

What skills did I use today? I had a good day!

1. Wise mind- Abso-fucking-lutely
2. Participate- When I bathed the cat. When Sabrina and I laid on the bed while the cleaning lady was here; I pet her and she rubbed up against me then we fell asleep.
3. Non-judgmental stance- The cleaning lady was almost an hour late.
4. One-mindfully- While I was pre-cleaning.
5. Effectiveness- Getting the cleaning done. Posting on my support group about my interpersonal style and talking about recent negative events in the spirit of moving forward.
6. Problem solving- The basement is clean! The house is aired out! Laundry completed!
7. Accumulate positives- Clean house! Nap! Clean cat! Took muffins to the library.
8. Build mastery- Cleaning Sabrina's butt.
9. Mindfulness of current emotion- When I was annoyed the cleaning lady was here when I wanted to sleep; then I remembered that I have no obligation to be helping her, so I closed my bedroom door and took a nap.
10. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- With the not-smoking issue. I'm keeping busy.
11. Mindful of current thoughts- Yes, when I realized I was angry at the cleaning lady for being late, but when she got here we talked about how she wrote down the time wrong.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind
2. Observe- Mindfulness exercise at DBT.
3. Describe- Mindfulness exercise at DBT.
4. Participate- Made muffins. Twice.
5. Non-judgmental stance- Had to deal with a person I don't care for. Tried not to judge.
6. One-mindfully- Stood on the grass.
7. Effectiveness- Quit smoking.
8. DEAR (describe, express, assert, reinforce)
9. MAN (mindful, ignore attacks)
10. GIVE (gentle, interested, validate, easy manner)
11. FAST (fair, no apologies, stick to values, truthful)- White-boarded these skills at DBT.
12. Attend to relationships- Facebook.
13. Opposite-to-emotion action- Quit smoking.
14. Problem solving- Quit smoking. Did substitutions because I could not find canned pumpkin.
15. Accumulate positives- Sewed.
16. Build mastery- Sewing. Muffins.
17. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- Sewing
18. Willingness- Quit smoking.

Road Trips Pics: A Dreaded Sunny Day, So I'll Meet You at the Cemetery Gates

Stopped at the Columbia Community Cemetery between Scapposse and St. Helens on Hwy 30 today. Even though I worked for a while at a modern cemetery, my job was in the funeral home and I didn't spend time walking the grounds. This was my first foray into the modern style of remembrance; I knew these things were out there but I didn't realize how standard they'd become. The first stone I saw when I got out of the car celebrates the deceased's love of the game:

Here's a modest nod to the biker:

Everyone has a hobby, or so it seems:

This one really got to me. I actually cried. My personal life is far removed from the folks who serve in the military, so I don't know people who have been to the war(s). And he was so much younger than me. It's just sad.

Skills? Skills? Skills!

OK, I can't go through the list of skills I used today, but here's a recap:

• Worked for 5 hours.
• Ate lunch and caught up on TV-on-the-internet.
• Made a phone call asking about a job that was posted and got the response "We're just now taking that down because we got it covered." It was a weird posting and I felt that I was being slighted, so I ruminated about that for a while, then I--
• Ran errands. Went to an unfamiliar grocery store. I used to shop there all the time when I lived close to that store, but since then they changed it all around and who knows where anything is? I could feel my patience waning. I had to ask where EVERY ITEM I BOUGHT was. But I got it all.
• Mindfully put my groceries away. Mindfully washed the backlog of dishes.
• Made a home-cooked dinner.
• Played a 521 Scrabble game.

Socialized on the internet.

Skills?

I'm sure I used some today.

I worked. I got my car fixed to the tune of $600. I spent $65 on sewing supplies. I put up the project wall and collected blocks, pieces that should be in blocks, strips to make into blocks, all in the hope that I'll feel motivated to tackle it a bit at a time and have it turn into a quilt.

I don't think I slept well enough last night and need to hit the sack early.

Just Caught a Burglar- Maybe

The jet-ski shop across the street is closed on Mondays, so there is no foot traffic in my dead end today.

When I left to go run errands my two neighbors with cars were both home; when I got home they were both gone. Neighbor #3 doesn't drive but works a regular 9-5 job and I know he's gone today. So when I got home I knew the house was empty.

There was a stranger on the walk in front of the house. I thought maybe the landlady sent him to do yard work. She always sends "a guy" so I never know what to expect. When the guy saw me getting out of my car with groceries he took off, but not running, down the street. When he got to the intersection he looked back to check on me.

I think he was casing the house for a future break-in or he was about to break in when I came home and interrupted him.

I didn't yell, I didn't assume, but right now I feel very anxious. I've been robbed here before and right now this doesn't feel like a good place to be.

Not sure what skills to use other than distress tolerance and getting through the moment.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Yup.
2. Participate- In the training at work.
3. Non-judgmental stance- When I saw a guy on my front porch. Then I realized something was fishy.
4. Effectiveness- Called the police.
5. Figure out interpersonal goals- I called my sister and asked her for empathy and compassion, but she told me I would never get them from her. Is this a skill?
6. Problem solving- Called the police and asked for extra patrols on my street.
7. Accumulate positives- Participated in the training and was able to get good feedback.
8. Build mastery- In the training at work.
9. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)- Did a good job of this today.
10. Mindfulness of current emotion- Feeling anxious after I caught the stranger on the walk in front of the house.
11. Willingness- Took the bottles back. Went grocery shopping. Made the extra stop to get the special vegan cheese.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Yeah, but not a lot to comment about it.
2. Participate- When I played cards.
3. One-mindfully- When I played cards.
4. Figure out interpersonal goals- There is a person who plays with us who is, um, challenging. I wrote out a DEAR to try and figure out what my goals are with this person.
5. DEAR (describe, express, assert, reinforce)- Wrote it out but am not going to use it. It had to do with insulting my sister, and when I went over it with my sister she disagreed that I should pick this battle to fight.
6. Attend to relationships- Spent time with my sis, met new people who played cards with us, spent time with the regulars.
7. Problem solving- Trying to figure out what to do about the problem person.
8. Accumulate positives- I almost always win when we play.
9. Build mastery- I run the group, so I sent out emails about future meetings, updated the web site, sent personal notes to new members, in general just acted like I'm in charge and that I am welcoming.

I didn't use skills today.

Nope. Nada.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind
2. Observe
3. Describe
4. Participate
5. Non-judgmental stance
6. One-mindfully
7. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)
8. Mindfulness of current emotion
9. Radical acceptance

Another day in bed resting. I'm getting used to this!