What skills did I use today?

1. One-mindfully- I laid in bed and felt the burning of the psoriasis on my skin and just felt it.
2. Accumulate positives- I started reading a book, which is a better idea than all the TV I've been watching on the internet.

What skills did I use today?

1. Observe- I noticed what it felt like to be anxious.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Emotionally I did not want to get up and get going, but I knew I had a commitment to work and I made it there on time.
2. Observe- At the end of lunch I felt anxious and ill; I sat and noticed these experiences.
3. Participate- I participated in shelving books.
4. One-mindfully- There was so much shelving and I had to focus on one book at a time.
5. Effectiveness- Going to work, making future commitments to work, letting the supervisor know the status of te workflow.
6. Opposite-to-emotion action- Getting in the shower.
7. Problem solving- I had to solve some problems related to "too many books": shifting those on the shelf, consolidating those on carts, shelving holds.
8. Pros and Cons- The perennial pros and cons of going to work.
9. Radical acceptance- I was asked to do an unpleasant and difficult task and I accepted that I was doing it.
10. Willingness- I had a willing attitude toward all the things I was asked to do at work today.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I woke up ruminating and didn't want to motivate today. It was hard because my day was all self-directed; I didn't have to be at any specific place at any given time. I did get in the shower before noon and moved from being driven emotion mind toward a more rational mind stance.
2. Effectiveness- Looked for my passport; couldn't find it, so I went to the state office and got a copy of my birth certificate to take to the DMV to get my license renewed.
3. Opposite-to-emotion action- I got out of bed.
4. Problem solving- Got the DMV problem solved. Made a pdoc appt. Got an rx refill. Changed the kitty litter.
5. Pros and Cons- I thought about the negative consequences of not attending to my responsibilities today.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Tried to balance all the negative emotion mind stuff with some rational mind attending to business stuff.
2. Participate- I was totally into being at work while I was there.
3. Attend to relationships- I ran into Becki at the grocery store and expressed how much I enjoy her to her. I scheduled a meetup.
4. Opposite-to-emotion action- I went to work. I went to see the hearing aid guy.
5. Problem solving- I got my hearing aids fixed. I set up an auto-debit. I called my tdoc.
6. Accumulate positives- I bought vegan cookies.
7. Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of getting out bed.

What skills did I use today/

1. Wise mind- Not so sure about this. My emotion mind is telling me some horribly negative things right now, but I am using my rational mind and, as Brian would say, "not making things worse."
2. Participate- I was fully engaged with being at work, even though I was late.
3. One-mindfully- I had to take Ludmilla to the vet this morning (hence the late for work thing) and they left us in the exam room for a long time. I tried breathing in slowing and exhaling even more slowly to curb the anxiety I had about waiting. I also held her to stave off the anxiety she had about being at the vet.
4. Effectiveness- I got out of bed and did stuff today, something I had not done for the past two days. I knew Ludmilla needed medical attention and I took care of making the appointment first thing and then called work to let them know my ETA.
5. Attend to relationships- When I got to work I checked in with my coworkers on the workflow and apologized for the inconvenience.
6. Opposite-to-emotion action- Getting out of bed.
7. Problem solving- Getting Ludmilla to the vet. Also, when I was at work I suddenly lost all the hearing in my left ear. I immediately called the hearing aid guy-- something I've been dragging my feet about-- and have an appointment for tomorrow after work.
8. Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of getting out of bed and taking care of business.
9. Radical acceptance- I had to accept that I was stuck at work even though my cat was ready to be picked up from the vet's. (They had to keep her a while to get a urine sample.)
10. Willingness- It took willingness to be on my feet shelving books most of the day when I am having medical problems beyond the hearing loss. I need to schedule a gyno appointment but don't have one and need to find out who is on my insurance panel.

What skills did I use today?

None, I stayed in bed all day.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- Oh yeah.
2. Participate- I was fully engaged in having dinner with my friends.
3. One-mindfully- As I did my tasks at work.
4. Accumulate positives- I was sung to multiple times today- "Happy Birthday" and was given three vegan cupcakes. I also got gifts from my friends at dinner. A friend stopped by at work and gave me flowers and a dinner invite.
5. Build mastery- I worked today.
6. Radical acceptance- I accepted that I was hungry and my lunch was a long way off.
7. Willingness- I was willing to do the grunt work.

Marsha Linehan on mindfulness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ceBmqZnSI&feature=related

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I tried to be in wise mind while doing some of the exercises at DBT class.
2. Effectiveness- I got in the shower and left the house to attend to my commitments because that was the effective thing to do.
3. Opposite-to-emotion action- Getting in the shower.
4. Problem solving- I called Social Security back and got voicemail. I went to my computer appointment.
5. Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of not going out today.
6. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- I watched some TV on the internet in an attempt to reduce my anxiety after I got home from DBT.

Road Trip Pics: 1-21-10

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I did some breathing on the phone with tdoc to bring me down from my frantic crisis state.
2. Participate- I absolutely participated in vacuuming today.
3. One-mindfully- I played cards tonight and was focused on winning.
4. Effectiveness- I had to clean my house to have company, and this meant being effective and not staying in bed all day.
5. Opposite-to-emotion action- I wiped my cat's butt.
6. Problem solving- Called Social Security. Called payroll. Made an appointment at the Mac Store. Asked former tdoc what she thought about the upcoming evaluation.
7. Accumulate positives- Played cards. Cleaned my house. Laundry. Clean clothes are cool!

What skills did I use today?

1. Effectiveness- I knew it would be more effective for me to get out of bed and go out today. I've been in bed for the past three days, so I was scared as to whether I could handle getting up and going out. I worked at a location where the people don't really know me, so I was just plodding along and trying to get through the day.
2. Opposite-to-emotion action- Going to work was OTE big time.
3. Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of not going to work today.
4. Radical acceptance- I had to radically accept that I was stuck at work for a time today.
5. Willingness- It took willingness to go to work. It took willingness to get out of the house again and go to the mall for my eye appointment.

What skills did I use today?

1. Attend to relationships- I called a friend and told her about the trauma I am feeling with having a psych eval for my SSDI review.
2. Opposite-to-emotion action- I took a shower and went to the grocery store.
3. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- I watched some Jimmy Kimmel episodes on hulu.
4. Mindful of current thoughts- I know I am thinking about a potential future disaster.

I am very much struggling. Yesterday I spent the day in bed and today I was motivated because I was out of soymilk.

Calling a friend was a good idea because I got to talk about my stress and remember to listen. Not everything that is happening in this world is happening to me, and I need to remember that.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I don't know if I was in wise mind today. I had a lot of resistance to going to work, but once I got there I got in the groove.
2. Participate- I had to do a 2-hour grunt work project and I got so into it the time just flew by.
3. One-mindfully- See #2.
4. Effectiveness- See #2.
5. Figure out interpersonal goals- I told the manager that I want something sweet and vegan when I come to work next Friday. Why yes, I do have a lot of nerve. (Next Friday is my birthday.)
6. Opposite-to-emotion action- I got out of bed. I made coffee. I took a shower. I made a lunch. I got in the car and drove to work. On and freakin' on it went...
7. Mindfulness of current emotion- I am aware of my current pissiness.
8. Radical acceptance- At 4:30 I had to accept that I was going to be at work for another hour and a half.
9. Willingness- I did the grunt work project quickly and with no complaints.
10. Mindful of current thoughts- Working on this. I have a lot of justified guilt for things that I am doing and don't have a plan to address the situation. This translates into a low-grade bad feeling that is always with me, even when I am not in the dynamic that is causing the guilt.

What skills did I use today?

1. Opposite-to-emotion action

Yup. One skill. Didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to take a shower, didn't want to go to DBT... I just resist everything I have to do lately. I'm super exhausted and anything that involves getting out of bed pisses me off.

What skills did I use today?

1. Effectiveness- To get up and return the rental car, to get to work, to keep moving and get through the day.
2. Opposite-to-emotion action- I did not want to get out of bed today.
3. Radical acceptance- I was suffering with being at work and I had to radically accept that I was going to be there.
4. Willingness- With being at work and doing the work.
5. Mindful of current thoughts- I talked to my friend Kate about how my hearing is getting worse and I have a lot of fear around this issue. Until we had this chat I was not aware how much this was affecting me.

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind
2. Participate
3. Non-judgmental stance
4. One-mindfully
5. Effectiveness
6. Opposite-to-emotion action
7. Problem solving
8. Radical acceptance
9. Willingness
10. Mindful of current thoughts

These skills all had to do with going to work and being there for 8 hours today. I was dragging when I got out of bed and made coffee then took a shower in the hopes that I'd been feeling more motivated. By the time I got to work I was ready to go!

I did a ton of grunt work and there were a lot of times during the day where I was internally negotiating with the clock (20 minutes until my break, 40 minutes until lunch). I did accept that I had to be there and could not attend to personal business; I have to wait until the morning to get on the phone.

I feel good about getting through a full day and giving my best. I had to use a lot of skills to get through the day, but I did it and that makes me feel like I can get through the rest of the week. I've got stuff scheduled all week and I'm absurdly busy given my usual schedule.

What skills did I use today?

1. Participate- I've been struggling with this. When I got set up on the couch with my book, coffee and cigs I was able to relax and be in the moment.
2. Opposite-to-emotion action- I did my chores even though I didn't feel like it: laundry, garbage, recycling, errands.
3. Accumulate positives- I laid in the couch and read for several hours this afternoon.
4. Willingness- I had to use willingness to get my chores done.

I made dinner for Monday night because I know it will be a long day and I won't feel like cooking when I get home. Go me! Clean sheets on the bed, changed the kitty litter, really had a TCB day.

What skills did I use today?

None. Stayed in bed until 5. Finally took a shower and went out for take-out.

What skills did I use today?

Wise mind- In spades.

Participate- Fully participated in the act of being at work.

One-mindfully- When shelving all that non-fiction.

Effectiveness- When shelving that non-fiction

Figure out interpersonal goals- Gave my coworkers a heads-up that I will be there on my birthday and I want a fuss.

DEAR (describe, express, assert, reinforce)- Let the supervisor know that not being exposed to loud noises is a disability issue. Turns out she didn't remember that I have a hearing problem and I let her know this is important for her to be aware of because we may have interactions where I appear rude/inattentive when I am not.

Attend to relationships- See above. Also, I directly told the branch supervisor that instead of/in addition to telling me she is happy with my work, she should tell my boss. He met with her today and she did that.

Opposite-to-emotion action- I did not want to shelve all that non-fiction.

Problem solving- I managed the workflow, making sure no area got too backed up.

Accumulate positives- Working 8 hours makes me feel good about the money I earned.

Willingness- I used willingness to shelve the non-fiction.

Mindful of current thoughts- I was aware of being irritated when I found out that the coworker who was scheduled to come in in the afternoon called in sick. I did not "get in the boat" of this emotion.

What Skills Did I Use Today?

Wise mind- I had a balanced perspective on sitting in the waiting room while my car was being serviced. I was upset because I would have rather been in bed, but I knew that I would feel peace of mind having the work done and that tolerating the distress was going to have a payoff. Their wifi was down and I couldn't even attend to business such as updating my Quicken.

Effectiveness- It was effective of me to get up and keep my appointments today.

Figure out interpersonal goals- I met with tdoc and discussed what I want out of DBT.

Opposite-to-emotion action- Lots of this today. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep but I stayed awake all day, did my errands, went to DBT, and am doing this post.

Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of not going to DBT.

Willingness- Still struggling with this one. I'm having a lot of resistance to doing things I don't feel like doing.

Mindful of current thoughts- Had to do this in order to post all of the above.

Wise Mind Link

http://www.authornet.net/html/wise_mind___mindfulness.htm

Today at DBT was a lot of intro stuff: rules about the program, how to use the program, etc.

The last few minutes were given to an introduction of wise mind. I will post more about it later, but right now the best I can do is a link.

Road Trip Pics: Mt. St . Helens

A very short post at the end of a long day. I went to my first DBT group today and feel strained due to not sleeping enough this week and being in the midst of a med change.

Here's a crappy shot of Mt. St. Helens. It blew up in 1980 in a huge volcanic eruption, that is why the top is so weird. I picked the spot to stop and take the pic based on when my left hearing aid started beeping that the battery was bad. 2 minutes after I got back in the car after I'd changed it and regrouped the right one started beeping. Frustrating!

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I think I had a fairly wise mind kind of day. I was aware of my emotions and had rational thoughts to contextualize them. (I'm tired and don't want to be here. Of course I'm tired, I was up for 3 hours in the middle of the night and had very interrupted sleep.) I told myself I could make it through the commitments I had made and I did. I feel good about that.
2. Effectiveness- I had to pull this out to get through my shift at work. Do I want to do this task? No. Is doing this task effective? Yes.
3. Figure out interpersonal goals- I want to adopt a more professional demeanor at work.
4. Opposite-to-emotion action- I kept a dentist appointment despite feeling tired and anxious. I wanted to freak out and yell when the dental hygienist talked baby talk to me but I held my tongue.
5. Problem solving- I spoke with my supervisor despite my apprehension in doing so and there was no feedback, negative or otherwise, forthcoming.
6. Pros and Cons- I considered the pros and cons of going to the dentist.
7. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- I watched some Nip/Tuck. Those people have problems.
8. Willingness- I'm working on this. I need to spend a fair amount of time at work this month and I feel resistant to it.

Willingness

I'm struggling with willingness.

I was at work for 4.5 hours today and the whole time I wanted to be done. After that I had a dental appointment, following a short stop at home for lunch. The x-rays were difficult and long; I had a hard time staying in the chair and not bolting.

After I complete a task where I need to use willingness, that is, telling myself I can/will get through the situation, I can tolerate it, I feel like I have had a major accomplishment. I feel good that I worked. I feel good that my teeth are clean and I have no cavities. But I have ants in my pants making these things happen.

I could call today's events a success in that I stuck with it. I worked. I did not run out of the dental chair. But I feel that I need to be able to use the skill of willingness without so much suffering.

Skills Training Manual: link to book

http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=1-9780898620344-1

What skills did I use today?

1. Attend to relationships- Returned a voice mail from my boss; got his voicemail. Still in progress. I don't fully know his agenda in calling me.
2. Willingness- Did the grunt work at work today.
3. Mindful of current thoughts- Aware of my ruminations

What skills did I use today?

1. Wise mind- I have been ruminating and I posted about it on DBSA and got some good feedback indicating that my worries are not based on justified shame.
2. Participate- I read a comic collection and fully engaged myself in that activity.
3. One-mindfully- I think I did this when I was cutting up veggies for dinner.
4. Effectiveness- I have a plan in case I am criticized re: the thing I am ruminating about.
5. Opposite-to-emotion action- I didn't feel like doing this post, but here I am!
6. Problem solving- The posting on DBSA and talking to my tdoc was problem-solving. I also called my pdoc because there is a problem with one of meds (suddenly it became very expensive and I had to stop cold turkey). I have an appt for the afternoon tomorrow after work so we can readjust my cocktail.
7. Accumulate positives- Reading was positive. Cooking dinner too.
8. Mindfulness of current emotion- I was aware I was ruminating.
9. Willingness- I went to work with a raging headache.
10. Mindful of current thoughts- See #8.

What skills did I use today?

Today's big event was a canasta meetup that I hosted at my apartment. I cleaned. I set up the sewing room as a card room and had to move a lot of furniture to make this happen. I bought donuts and set out glasses and mugs so people could get their own drinks. My kitchen counter makes a great buffet, so I set up all the food/drink stuff there.

Five people, including myself, played. I did not sleep well last night and would have preferred a nap, but I had committed so I followed through. Although at the end I was kind of shepherding them out the door so I could go lie down.

1. Participate- I played both games we played today.
2. Non-judgmental stance- There were people in my kitchen talking about Sarah Palin as a legitimate political figure. Nuff said.
3. One-mindfully- I struggled with this, since I wanted to fully be in the moment when I had company, but found my ruminations carried over and my mood was depressed.
4. Problem solving- set up new rules for how we play cards and they were well received
5. Accumulate positives- cards, again, in the social aspect
6. Build mastery- I won at both games we played today
7. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment- the canasta group was a distraction
8. Mindful of current thoughts- very aware of my ruminations

What skills did I use today?

1. Participate- entered into the experience of being at work, fully
2. Describing emotions- self-explanatory
3. Opposite-to-emotion action- I woke up late and did not feel like rushing to get ready and be at work for an early shift. Did it anyway.
4. Problem solving- I coordinated workflow.
5. Accumulate positives- Being at work was positive, posting at the MI forum was positive, making a list of things to do in the morning
6. Build mastery- My mastery experience for today was learning how to solve a (somewhat) common problem at work.
7. Pros and Cons- I thought about the pros and cons of shaking a leg and got to work a few minutes early.
8. Willingness- My attitude toward grunt work today was one of willingness.
9. Mindful of current thoughts- Self-exp.

What skills did I use today?

Build mastery- made seitan, sewed a little bit; could have done more of this

Mindfulness of current emotion- awareness of my crankiness

Mindful of current thoughts- aware of the lurking dread I feel

Diary Card

Although I have not formally begun the program, I have met with the therapist I will be seeing on an individual basis at the DBT program.

Every day I am supposed to complete a diary card listing what skills I used and rate my urges and actions. Because I have done DBT before she (tdoc) gave me the card before the formal start of the program. At this point I'm only tracking skills.

The skills are:

1. Wise mind
2. Observe
3. Describe
4. Participate
5. Non-judgmental stance
6. One-mindfully
7. Effectiveness
8. Figure out interpersonal goals
9. DEAR (describe, express, assert, reinforce)
10. MAN (mindful, ignore attacks)
11. GIVE (gentle, interested, validate, easy manner)
12. FAST (fair, no apologies, stick to values, truthful)
13. Attend to relationships
14. Describing emotions
15. Opposite-to-emotion action
16. Problem solving
17. Accumulate positives
18. Build mastery
19. PLEASE (tend to physical ills, eating, avoid drugs, sleep, exercise)
20. Mindfulness of current emotion
21. TIP (temperature [ice/heat], intense exercise, progressive relaxation
22. Pros and Cons
23. Distract/self-soothe/improve the moment
24. Radical acceptance
25. Willingness
26. Mindful of current thoughts
27. Half-smiling

I know that seems like a long list, but I will delve more specifically into each skill as we focus on it in class.

What is DBT?

DBT was first developed by Marsha Linehan for the treatment of borderline personality disorder. It incorporates elements of eastern philosophy and classical Greek thought; hence the "dialectic" nature of it.

There are four main components:

• Mindfulness
• Emotion Regulation
• Distress Tolerance
• Interpersonal Effectiveness

It involves acceptance and the willingness to change at the same time. I will be posting details of my adventure as I seek to improve my quality of life through skillful thoughts and behavior.